6/28/2017 4 Comments this is NOT the end.DISCLAIMERS: *It's about to get real. As in real emotional, real vulnerable, and real scary. (For me, at least.) So, BEWARE.* *The "humor", (as I like to call it), will be running low in this post due to the sensitivity of the subject because I'm not a girl that can do both. Though, I would recommend getting a girl that can. *If you're looking for a happily-ever-after, Extreme Makeover: Human Edition type story, this isn't it. Sorry. Try Cinderella. That girl who always did "the right thing."
That girl who never seemed to make any mistakes. That girl who was really sweet, but rarely ever had anything to say. That girl who said "yes" to every request. That girl who was afraid to ever make a mess. She cruised through elementary school with these labels in her head. She believed that was who she was because people had said so. So it must be true, right? Then middle school came around, and she was entering it without her best friend (who was allocated to a different school). It was completely new territory and she couldn't have felt more anxious and alone. As do many people when entering a new stage in life. The school year went by. By February, she was still sitting alone at "the reject table." She got lazy with her school work. Those star-studded As turned into shabby-looking Cs. Her after-school activities consisted of going straight to her room to lay in bed until it was time for dinner. Then by the time that was over, she was ready for bed again. Ready to wallow in her self-pity about why things hadn't gotten any better. Because those feelings that she had on the first day of school never faded; they only got worse. Every night, she would hope and pray that her life would somehow change. Asking God why he had created someone so unlikable and was allowing her to become so miserable. Then the lies and the shame came like a cloud of smoke while she had no place to run or hide. That girl is a coward. She's too afraid to look people in the eye. That girl is a nuisance to everyone around her. I bet they wouldn't even care if she was gone. That girl is a mediocrity and always will be. There is nothing special about her. These thoughts of deceit were repeated in her head so frequently and so loudly that she started to believe them. She shouldn't bother taking that opportunity; she knows she's just going to fail if she does. No one would miss her if she left because she's so dull. She is completely incapable of making an impact. Now she was feeling a lot like Job, just wishing for her last day. Or at least the second coming. After about two years of rock bottom, she came to the realization that her world had always been and still was pretty small. And that was finally okay with her. That doesn't mean that her entire life went from sucky to fantastic in one minute. That's not how it works. The story doesn't just end there. Her life is still a mess. She still has those moments when she feels lonely. But good news is, she's always got the most loyal friend in JESUS. And in the moments when she feels insecure, she knows she's always got the best hype-man up in heaven [in JESUS] to boost her confidence. Even in the moments when she's ashamed of what she's done or hasn't done, she's always got sufficient grace and unconditional love [*say it with me*] in JESUS. All in all, That girl still gets scared. Whether it be people, places, or things, she knows JC's got her covered. That girl still feels uncool. But hey, at least Jesus is laughing at her jokes if no one else is. (Or maybe not, whatever.) That girl still seems plain. But in actuality, she went from apathetic to aspiring to effect change and serve others. That girl's name also starts with the letter j. ...wait a minute.
4 Comments
Dana
6/29/2017 07:24:51 am
It hurts my heart to know that anyone has to go through feelings like this. Especially someone who means as much to me as you do. I am glad that you know that Jesus is all you really need and He adores you. 💗 As do I - I love you so much!!!
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Jess
6/29/2017 02:46:03 pm
Thank you so much! It really means a lot. I was really nervous about sharing this but I am just hoping for people to relate and find hope in stories like this! I love you !!!
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Stef Kurtz
6/29/2017 10:50:06 am
Thank you Jess for sharing your story. It's never easy at first but over time it does get easier to be open about your struggles and then you find yourself helping others who feel the same way. I care about and love you. And I pray for you ❤
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Jess
6/29/2017 02:48:36 pm
Thanks for reading! It's always scary to be vulnerable but I'm glad I shared it after all. I really appreciate your support. Thank you!
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